By BOSEDE OLUSOLA-OBASA
I trust your week is going well. I am taking a break this week from the series on personal habits audit and mastery, to focus on a pertinent issue in view of the upcoming May Day commemoration. Call this my Workers’ Day gift, and you won’t be wrong. I hope this gets to a worker who may require intervention on this subject matter.
Do you know how best to handle those recurring moments of ‘feeling used’ by your boss, superior or the organisation? Do you know how to ascertain the validity of your feelings without sentiments? How do you ensure that things turn in your favour and not against you in the end? These and others are essential questions to answer when seeking help. I will attempt to answer some questions in today’s piece. Additionally, you can watch the new video on this topic that I recently recorded and uploaded on RCV Character YouTube channel. Now let’s create solutions here.
‘Feeling used’ because you are useful is more common than many Nigerian workers admit. It typically involves high performers who often become “go-to” persons on a team. Over time, their contributions quietly turn into exploitation if not managed with clarity and boundaries.
What business owners need to understand is that creating this ‘feeling of being used’ has a negative effect on the brand as much as it does on individual team members. At the least, the business suffers a tainted reputation. I am aware that most times, this feeling doesn’t emanate from a generally-publicised leadership or corporate culture. It thrives in secrecy and under weak human resources management structures, especially where leaders are allowed to do as they please with subordinates.
I strongly agree with the wise saying: “It is better to be used and become useful than to be unused and become useless.” I will, however, add that you need to check if you are truly being used towards becoming more useful, or being abused towards ultimately becoming useless! In both scenarios, ‘the user’s’ intention is as critical as the willingness of ‘the used’.
That said, let me address the subordinate in the picture, before concluding that you are being used, pause and evaluate the validity of your feelings. Sometimes your perceptions need a reality check to distinguish between genuine concerns and emotional reactions.
This is a sensitive matter that requires a holistic, not frivolous approach to understanding and managing the feeling of being used. You need a trusted framework to guide you through the journey from self-reflection and empowerment.
The following will help you assess whether your feelings are grounded in reality or influenced by other factors. This calm, introspective approach leads to a clear understanding. Now, take a moment to do an honest self-reflection with the guides I provided below:
General Possibility Factcheck if ‘Feeling Used’ at work:
- The feeling could be true: be ready to acknowledge the possibility.
- The feeling could be fake: your feelings may not be valid after all.
- The feeling may be overrated: it doesn’t add up to expectations.
- The feeling could be harmless: just nudging you to consider alternative perspectives.
- The feeling might be a desire for more: payment, acknowledgement or recognition based on your confidence in your worth, value and contributions.
- The feeling may have been triggered by a growing lack of capacity to match demands: it could be a reflection of a growing gap between job demands and your current capacity.
- The feeling may have been instigated by other people’s views: this is when external feedback sparks the thought.
- It might just be a feeling that won’t go away: persistent but unverified.
As psychologist Daniel Kahneman observed, “Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.” Emotions are real, but they need to be examined, not blindly obeyed.
The next step to take is to critically look at your regular experience over the months, quarters or years at work. When a collection of the underlisted signs becomes a pattern rather than isolated incidents, it signals a serious concern that deserves your attention and action. At that point, I urge you to trust what you CONSISTENTLY observe.
Watch for these red flags:
You repeatedly get assigned to do domestic, menial or unrelated tasks.
You are made to put in extra efforts that never count in work performance reviews.
These tasks are generally assigned verbally and seldom have official threads to trace.
Your workload on those non-essentials is affecting your core responsibilities.
Your excessive extra hours go with no compensation or relief.
You lack recognition, reward, or growth opportunities for these tasks.
You suffer demeaning communication or verbal disrespect whenever there’s any slip in delivering on these works.
Your involvement with these tasks already has a negative impact on your health or relationships.
These assignments offer no pathway to promotion or scaling despite consistent delivery.
You feel a growing sense of being stuck whenever it is compared to your actual career goals.
According to Gallup, employees who feel undervalued are significantly more likely to disengage and underperform. This is not just personal; it affects organisational outcomes.
Do these, if a clear pattern of abuse exists.
When you have confirmed that the feeling of being used is valid and consistent, it’s time to take action:
*Use the ‘Feeling Used’ mode as a signal for growth and positive change. Every challenge is an opportunity to strengthen your self-awareness and build a more fulfilling path forward. You have the power to transform difficult experiences into stepping stones for a better future.
* Build your capacity, sometimes growth is the real next step, not escape. Ensure you are truly worth much more on the job.
*Start documenting your contributions and communications if you have not been doing that; facts create clarity.
*Speak up respectfully, address concerns calmly and clearly. Don’t play emotional games; focus on outcomes.
*Seek independent counsel to get objective advice from trusted sources.
*Set healthy boundaries to protect your well-being and preserve your energy for what truly matters. Being reliable should not mean being limitless.
*Seek support when needed. You deserve respect and guidance from those who care about you.
*Anticipate a positive change as time takes its toll.
*Prepare your mind to consider quitting as a last resort. If there are no changes. Staying in a damaging environment is not loyalty; it is self-neglect.
As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Your usefulness is an asset; it should never be used to hurt you; your dignity is non-negotiable. Do not shrink your value to fit a system that refuses to recognise it. At the same time, ensure your expectations are matched by performance and growth.
Remember to mind your character and enjoy the rest of the week.
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