There are a lot of things that happen in life, meeting us unprepared! Our reactions to developments at such moments betray our presumed preparedness. One of such is where your close friend at work or colleague gets elevated to become your supervisor, manager, or your boss!
The experience shared by Teni, a career high-flyer about her days as an employee are very instructive. In her words, “The first experience caught me napping, but I practically dictated the relationship atmosphere of the second using the lessons from the first.”
Her narrations and lessons are reproduced for your learning:
“Naturally, I’m not quick with meeting people, but this guy and I have related well since I became a staff member at the company where he worked. He took genuine interest in me and always challenged me around his area of expertise and I did the same in my area of strength. He was already a senior colleague as at that time, but not my boss! We maintained a value-driven work relationship through the years until he got promoted and became my actual boss!
“I was genuinely happy for him and thought we would work well together. But I was very wrong! He soon started making strong statements to other colleagues and I about asserting his authority. Mind you, the truth was that he had a great team that was ready to support him to succeed! But he acted too insecure!
“Personally, it felt strange meeting this ‘new him’… overbearing and atimes, verbally abusive! Though he did these things to the entire team, I had a hard time juxtaposing his ‘earlier’ personality with the ‘now'”.
The lessons:
*When your friend becomes your boss, deal with the fact that he/she might want things to run differently for several reasons they might not need to divulge.
*Don’t take such feedback personally, take them officially; that way, you can handle things dispassionately.
*You need to understand that the stakes are now higher for them before the employer – there are expectations to beat, targets to meet!
*Besides, if he has reasons to think that you might be unhappy with his lifting, jealous, or even feeling entitled, etc., he may put up an act meant to send you clear signals to desist!
*Due to a feeling of insecurity, he could also opt for a front shield when he remembers how both of you used to castigate the previous boss. He may see the need to be ahead and nib your antagonistic potential in the bud!
*Your friend could become a toxic boss if your clout/credentials/pedigree make him feel inferior or threatened about losing his seat to you.
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Having realised these possibilities, the next season when a close senior team member of mine became my overall boss, I was able to keep my sanity 100 per cent!
Here’s what I did:
*I never expected things to remain the same with our friendship.
*I worked with the understanding of his plight or pressure to deliver.
*I intentionally kept a safe distance, so much as to let him see my reverence for the new office.
*I appreciated it anytime he chose to explain things to me about the demands of the new position.
*I worked twice harder in order to deserve any lift/raise that I got, rather than appear to people like I didn’t actually merit it.
Teni’s experience has served some crucial lessons. The following are further guidelines to ensure that you also manage a similar situation well:
When your friend becomes your boss…
- Be genuinely happy for them.
- Openly pledge your loyalty for them.
- Don’t ‘commonise’ or take them for granted.
- Don’t hang any emotional burden or demands around their necks.
- Realise that they have a lot to deal with, and things might not remain the same.
- If the new role makes it seem like they have changed towards you, understand that it could simply be your mindset.
- Find ways to affirm them.
- Communicate with them anything that isn’t clear to you, using the right channels.
- Don’t expect too much or be too demanding.
- Quit any entitlement mentality, it’s toxic.
- Roles are for a season, relationships are for a reason; so, let good reason prevail.
- Remember, you could also have been the one on the other side of the table.
- Don’t condemn them or allow negative energies surge.
- If you both play your cards maturely, your friendship will sail safely to shore.
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Enjoy the rest of your week!
