By BOSEDE OLUSOLA-OBASA
Today is being observed in Nigeria as a public holiday, and flags are flying at half mast in honour of a former president, Muhammadu Buhari. He died in London on Sunday, July 13, 2025, at the age of 82.
I have always watched ‘the hypocrisy’ in our culture as a people, one that is prompt to honour people in death than when alive. Since Buhari’s passing, social media has been inundated with posts of fond pictures by people who care to showcase their varying levels of relationships with him; at the same time, there have been sundry commentators in the conventional media houses, speaking glowingly about his person, office, and legacy.
I dare say that this way of life has been supported over the decades by certain direct or indirect indoctrination through sayings. There are many sayings that we grew up hearing – words that sounded noble, wrapped in traditional beliefs, and passed down with a tone of finality.
Over the years, I have observed that not all those stances hold up to ‘the truth’. A critical review of those sayings reveals a growing ‘culture of subtle hypocrisy’.
Some of these sayings include: “Never speak ill of the dead,” and “It’s better to commend people in their absence than praise them in their presence, so it doesn’t get into their heads.” Imagine the conclusive delusion of the messages in these sayings that have been perpetuated for decades. They have also been passed on to the future generation, without questioning. But let’s pause and ask: do these sayings truly align with sound character and values orientation?
If a person lived a life full of wickedness, did harm, and hurt others without repentance or restraint, what is the point in pretending about who he was after he dies? Isn’t that breeding a culture of deception and insincerity? Choosing to stay silent about evil doesn’t undo the damage caused by the evil. Instead, it quietly validates it. We may avoid saying the truth about a dead person as a way of ‘honouring his memory’, but the truth about how anyone lived will always outlive him. The evils that men do don’t disappear when their breath ceases – they echo after them. If we are unwilling to be honest about this, then we mislead other ‘wicked people’ into thinking that how you live won’t matter in the end.
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The flip side of this is the injustice that we do against good people; those who are upright, kind, dependable, and sacrificial. Why do we believe that we should withhold the praise they deserve while they’re still with us and can be encouraged to do more? Why do we wait till a funeral to suddenly find the words we were too proud, too shy, too careful or too slow to say when the dead were alive? By doing this, we rob people of encouragement and honour while they’re alive, only to shower it on them when they can no longer hear it. Just why? Because someone once said praising people gets into their heads?
The age of the postulator does not make a saying right or wholesome. If you must build your life on any sayings, ensure the source is credible.
That kind of thinking is not just faulty, it’s harmful. It trains us to be silent when we should speak, vague when we should be clear, and ‘diplomatic’ when we should be outright truthful. It conditions us to lie – not loudly, but quietly. We become polite hypocrites, all in the name of ‘cultural wisdom.’
These sayings are not harmless. They shape the way we think. They create patterns in the mind and plant bad values. No one rises above the quality of their thoughts, and the thoughts we carry are often framed by the words we have been taught to believe. Therefore, when we lend our voices to flawed sayings without asking questions or putting them in context, we unknowingly carry forward poor values that weaken societal character.
This is why we must be careful. The age of the postulator does not make a saying right or wholesome. If you must build your life on any sayings, ensure the source is credible. At the end of the day, the question is simple: are the words we live by strengthening our values or weakening them? Are we raising a generation that tells the truth to power when it matters, or one that edits it? Sayings can either instruct or destroy. They can lift or limit. So be wise, be honest, and be courageous enough to question when you are not sure, no matter how it is wrapped in tradition. This piece is intended to assure you that it is okay to utilise every opportunity to respect people and honour them when they are alive; about whether it could get into their head, leave that to them. Let’s take deliberate steps towards a better world.
I remain committed to adding value to you. If you loved what you read, let me know. Feel free to also share it with other value-loving persons like you or platforms. You should likewise reach out if you would love to book a corporate training session on workplace attitudes optimisation, leadership sustainability, corporate culture creation, exceptional customer service, or personal character development coaching. I will be glad to help you or your team grow.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
