I grew up hearing people use certain quotes to presumably measure the magnitude or degree to which it hurts more when a pain comes from a loved one.
As a character development trainer, one of my interests is human psychology. I research why people act the way they do, principally by checking their perspectives and mindset on anything.
My findings on this are interesting and I hope they trigger an attitudinal change on you forthwith.
Did you know that people who go by the above idea also unwittingly buy into its other consequences that may not be obvious at the first instance? By extension, the adherents to the idea that hurt by a loved one is worse, also find it more difficult to forgive or get over a pain caused by a loved one than by any other person. It ultimately has a huge capacity to determine their latitude for forgiveness and healing from such hurts.
Here’s how it works, if you live by any mindset, it forms a world view that rules your thoughts, feelings, actions and words. And, as you may know, life will most likely test you based on your personal convictions.
All you require is a mindset reset. For instance, a reversed thought about how it really should be easier to forgive and heal from a hurt by a loved one!
Now, let me share my mind with you on the possibility of this reversed order. My intention is first to help you start healing faster and moving on quicker with your great life, no matter who happens to hurt. Secondly, I would love to make you explore the possibility of making up with people without breaking up with them over reconcilable issues.
If you ask me, people you truly consider loved in your life should get a second, third and even fourth chance at forgiveness, especially if the stakes are high enough! You determine that.
READ ALSO: Chef Agboye wins N5m prize at Eko Flavours Season 2
The following are critical to smoothly navigating your people journey:
- Stop saying, thinking or expecting that someone can never hurt you. That’s an unreal/unreasonable expectation. Offences must come, so says even the Bible. Swallowing this bitter pill will help you recover faster from the initial emotional shock you may suffer from an ‘unexpected’ happening from an unexpected person.
- The first therapy when dealing with a hurt by a loved one is to eat this humble pie called, ‘I’m not infallible too!’ If you hurt someone, would you wish to be forgiven as well? Then, you owe them the same when they do too.
- You must personally answer the question ‘if they could have hurt you intentionally.’ You must find the fortitude to answer this question especially based on your knowledge about the person. This stage serves to help open up your mind to logical thinking, beyond the emotions. You must realize that people can sometimes sincerely or innocently hurt you, particularly if that’s the much sense that they’ve got at the time. Don’t take permanent decisions on a once valued relationship without doing a critical 360-degree check!
- You will have to also answer the question: ‘Could I have triggered this?’ For instance, some people may fail the test of best friends if you put too much burden on them to know all about you, which they aren’t mature enough to bear. So you see, you triggered that, in a way.
- Another important question to answer is, ‘Is he/she a first time offender and appears genuinely remorseful?’
- Now, if he/she is a serial offender, and/but you can’t discard them, I advise you to build a sane-mind safety resistance/barrier against further predictable hurt from them! Resolve you won’t let their hurts pierce through again. Take any other sensible step you deem important to safeguard you!
- If it’s a case of a close person that hurts and hardly says, ‘I’m sorry’, I’d advise that you begin to technically demand it from them, particularly if it’s vital to getting you back on track with them; otherwise, you may just learn to move on as though nothing happened! This point is key because many people keep hanging in, waiting to be noticed as hurt and apologised to by people who aren’t even aware they’ve hurt anyone! Avoid that needless frustration! Ask for it or let it slide.
- Never consider the unforgiveness option, especially not because someone says, ‘don’t forgive’. Realise that unforgiveness has eternal consequences. It also breeds bitterness which will hurt you deeper than you deserved.
- It’s time to remember how good/great they were in the first place; think of the reason you both initially came together, and decide to find out what went amiss. Ask a question to show you weren’t wrong about your choice of a relationship with them. And see how you can make up, without breaking up! Right communication can work wonders!
- Please, as much as you are able to, don’t insist that the offender must make the first move in reconciliation. The stronger partner usually brokers a truce! Above all, ask for the grace to act right when hurt. Many times, people are actually in a mess at the point that they hurt others, so they may be really needing recovery interventions at that low ebb of their ‘regret-filled’ life!
Permit me to humbly submit that hurts by a loved one (in particular), should be easier to forgive than hurt by a stranger. Doesn’t it make more sense? It does to me because the stakes are higher! I hope this piece helps you make up for a sake, heal up for a sake. What do you think?
If you ask me, people you truly consider loved in your life should get a second, third and even fourth chance at forgiveness, especially if the stakes are high enough!
I remain committed to adding value to you. If you loved what you read, let me know; also, feel free to share it with another value-loving person or platform like you or yours. You should likewise reach out if you would love to book a corporate training session on training courses that building trust in your corporate brands such as: teamwork attitude optimisation, leadership sustainability, corporate culture creation, exceptional customer service, or personal character development coaching. I will be glad to help you or your team scale.
