By FUNKE EGBEMODE
His first wife was married for him by the whole community. Everybody contributed one thing or the other, from encouragement to tubers of yam and cowries for the bride price. He was ripe and ready but the number of people working against Toosa were many. The beautiful girl he wanted was wanted by a dozen and one other men. Well, that wa normal, even. It was the wicked elders and envious youths running him down that was the big problem
Toosa too wants a wife, in which world?
Don’t mind him, his butterfly wants to fly like a bird.
Does he have what it takes?
Can he feed a woman and take care of her needs.
He must think being able to sleep with a woman is all it takes to be a husband.
I heard his small hut is even leaking.
Ah, does he want the poor girl to be swept away by flood during rainy season?
He is too young.
No, he is too old.
It is not his turn.
Because the evil voices were loud and cacophonous, it felt like the naysayers were many. But no, they were a few, really, just loud and strident. Those who wanted Toosa married were more and they eventually won. They mustered courage and resources and the wedding took place, followed by 16 years of marriage. In the very presence of Toosa’s enemies, Toosa became a father of six and his slim bride became robust and rounded in all the right places. The enemies’ eyes bulged in envy and disbelief. Yes. Then one day, the marriage ended. Toosa’s wife left him.
Fight for her.
Threaten her parents.
Take thugs and waylay her before she reaches her father’s compound.
Let your labourers go and destroy her father’s compound.
How can you let her go after 16 years? Will you now be sweeping your compound and cooking for yourself?
But Toosa just sat there and said: Let her go. If she is truly mine, she would not leave me. I don’t want anybody to be injured or killed just to keep my wife. No, let her go.
It was a really dark and lonely moment for him. And for years he lived his wife-less life without groaning. Until his friends started showing up and telling him about a particular woman who had everything a woman should have: beauty, brain, good manners and she came from a rich and influential family. Of course, Toosa resisted. He had grown accustomed to living his life on his terms, no pressure, no nagging, no in-law troubles. But eventually, he agreed to go and look at the woman and what he saw was a mouth-watering total package. It was a sneak peek but the backside of that woman when she walked past had Toosa rubbing his palms together and smacking his lips. Indeed, the image of the backside of Aponbepore (fair like palm oil) kept Toosa tossing and turning all night . By morning he was ready to do anything to get this beautiful woman. That was when his friends cleared their throats and told him the Balogun (the leader of all the warriors )of their town was also interested in Aponbepore. Toosa gasped and this song came to his mind. Don’t ask me how.
E ma na omo Balogun
Bi e ba na omo Balogun
Idagiri a w’olu
Ese giri a w’ode
Translation
Do not beat Balogun’s child
If you beat Balogun’s child
It will lead to confusion
It will precipitate running helter skelter
Skip several years to today’s Nigeria.
There is a Nigerian Toosa who does not just want to beat Balogun’s son, he wants to ‘snatch’ Balogun’s woman instead of looking further afield for his new wife. Here is a shy personable gentleman that the whole community had to rally round to get his first and former wife. Why does he think he can swing this hard task of ‘snatching’ a reigning Balogun’s woman?
Okay, Balogun has not paid the fine lady’s bride price but the bebe (waist beads), according to the grapevine, was bought by Balogun. That is a deep investment, seriously. Toosa’s friends are many and so are his foes posing as friends. They know Balogun will fight whoever contends with him for anything, woman or war, and he is a warrior. This good man with good reputation could lose to Balogun and people will forget Toosa’s reputation as a meek and mild man and start talking about the ‘man who took on a fight he knew he could not win, a man who Balogun battered like a snake not fit for the soup pot (ejo aije), a man whose beloved is now in Balogun’s bed, making babies every year.’
Abomination. It should not be, must not be and by the grace of the ancestors, will not be.
Backing up a little, what exactly is my point here?
That song from Ebenezer Obey’s album has been playing on my mind too for about three days now. So, I asked my mind, why are you dancing to this particular song, please. My mind replied, ‘I am not dancing to the song, I am thinking of the song.’ My forehead furrowed. There must be a message in there that my mind is trying to impress on me. I shook my head, smiled as it cleared. My mind must have discovered my wrapped thought about former President Goodluck Jonathan and all the talk about him throwing his hat in the presidential race ring come 2027.
Don’t misunderstand me. I like Jonathan’s hat. I just don’t like it in any ring. For me, the man has won all the belts there is to be won. He has proved that when God is on your side, it does not matter how long you go shoeless, you will eventually sit on a horse. The Jonathan story has shown that when you are standing on the shoulder of the God of all gods and godfathers, you will arrive your divine destination, no matter how many stumbling blocks are mounted on your path. The cabals won’t matter. Indeed, they will bow or fall or do both when you arrive.
We have not forgotten how Dr Jonathan became President, have we? He was Vice President to President Yar’ Adua, remember, the good President who came into office ill? The road was rough for all of us until the storm was calmed by death and something called ‘Doctrine of Necessity’. The nation’s already uneven lines went further jagged. The Federal Executive Council was polarized. There was high drama. After all the muffled noise and whispers of conspiracy, the mantle of leadership fell on Goodluck Jonathan. And it wasn’t the first time too. Way back in faraway Yenagoa, the shoeless boy had become a university don and later a Deputy Governor in Bayelsa State. Then fate showed up for him and his boss, DSP Alamieyeseigha did something bad and had to leave town in the dead of the night (dramatic details are available in different versions). That was how a man went to bed as Deputy Governor and was woken up to be sworn in as a Governor.
I like former President Jonathan. Most Nigerians will forever applaud his courage in the face of defeat, defeat as sitting President at a presidential polls his government fully funded too. Who was not shocked? It was so un-Nigerian thing to do. Come on, Jonathan could have had himself declared winner. What would have happened? Maybe three days or so of blood, gore and innocent lives cut short. There would have been noise, plenty of noise but it would all have eventually died down and the President would have done his second term whether we liked it or not. Not Jonathan. He walked the path of honour home. He wanted peace. He wanted no part in human sacrifice and bloody electoral victory. To the chagrin of his party and followers, Jonathan gave everything up. The world clapped, called him a good man, unusual politician and he became star speaker at international political events.
It was also the beginning of the end of the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP, and its 16-year reign. I am not sure that party can ever forgive Jonathan. The number of politicians who are still seething with rage, reeling in pain of aborted ambitions is huge.
In 2027, the Presidential boxing ring can do with four serious hats. That would make the sitting government sit straighter up. But Jonathan’s hat should not be there. Why? One, those who betrayed him that other time are still very much around, greedier, meaner and more ferocious. They are within his party PDP and in other parties pretending to be born-again now. They are not. Two, the merchants of candidates and election retailers are waiting for that hat to land in the ring. He should remember those who collected millions of naira for all kinds of things including prayers on mountains and in holy lands so Jonathan could win. They will convince him, assure him and then trade him. Three, when PDP had 22 governors, he lost the election, how does he want to reach the states and grassroots now that almost all the governors have done deals, made pacts to secure their second terms? Four, this is Nigeria where politicking, campaigning and elections are heavily monetized. This girl has been directly close to two election day spending and trust me, it is eye-popping. Where will all that funds come from? Five, is Jonathan even sure that those courting him are not working for APC, somehow? With politicians, nothing is as it seems. Six, an Abuja Federal High Court has been approached to issue a perpetual injunction restraining Dr Jonathan from participating in the 2027 presidential election and also barring INEC from listing him as a candidate. Ah, court matters in this season is both time-wasting and money-guzzling.
And finally to my own personal point, I want to forever remember Jonathan as the one clean President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria who chose decency over office, refused to do human sacrifice to get a second term. I do not want to remember him as the Nigerian President who was defeated twice, first as incumbent President and then former president by the same political party. It will pain me too much.
*Egbemode ([email protected])
