INTIMATE AFFAIRS: All brag, no action, By Funke Egbemode

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INTIMATE AFFAIRS: The juicy power of the other room
Funke Egbemode

He knows it is not true. He doesn’t even believe it himself but he’d do his damned best to convince you it is true, with words, body language and treats (if he has money). He’d try to prove that he’s the best, that with him, you cannot go wrong. He would even dress suggestively to show you some concrete evidence. It’s all about bragging about his sexual prowess and he doesn’t stint on apparatus.

A man who is boasting about how good he is in bed (or any other venue) most times is a non-performer or one low on energy. Too many women have discovered to their grief that men of too-much talk are of too-little action. If the load is downstairs, his mouth will not flap that much. A man whose mouth runs too fast can’t last, if you get my drift.

Whether a man is lying to cover up his lack of prowess in bed or displaying arrogance for possessing it, don’t forget yourself in the middle of it.

Just like some men brag and boast of their bank accounts, others go on and on about their high-octane sex lives. With a man like that, a woman has to have her head intact not to be swayed. With all at his disposal, he goes all out to prove that he’s the best lover around.

He would touch her neck intimately while pretending to help her adjust her collar. He’d look at her bust-line suggestively and rub himself against her at every available opportunity. He’d let her know that he thinks about sex each time he sees her. Too bad if you let men get away with seeing you as nothing but a sex object.

Nkechi, a newly wed woman just discovered that the man he married is just a bit better than an impotent man.

“It was a whirlwind romance and most times when we were together, we just heavily cuddled and petted. I didn’t want him to feel that I was cheap or after his dollars (he’s an American returnee); so I discouraged sex until four months to our introduction and engagement ceremony.

It was almost a disaster. I tried to hide my disappointment and he assured me it was the hassles of business and our wedding preparations that were getting to him. We went on another break and now we are married.”

Nkechi has discovered that the foreplay is where her husband’s sexual prowess ends. He knows how to get her up there, arouse her mercilessly but when it comes to delivery time, he is abysmally zero. “He used to talk so much about how his sex life almost cost him one thing or the other but now I know it’s all lies or probably something he fantasizes about.” Nkechi is distressed and unhappy. She doesn’t want to be unfaithful but her husband can’t satisfy her.

READ ALSO: INTIMATE AFFAIRS: DNA: Should some secrets be kept forever?

So, why do men who can hardly sustain an erection boast about being the original Mr. Stud? Why don’t they level with their women and discuss the problem so they can team up against the problem?

Men wear masks all the time and are full of more pretences than women. The bedroom is where you expect honesty but it’s where some men are in their elements when it comes to pretending to be who they are not.

Those who are bit-time performers lie from both sides of their mouths to get the woman in bed. But it is hilarious when a man who can’t prove anything at all insists that he’s so endowed that by the time he finishes with you, you’ll need a wheelchair to get out of bed.

When a man is desperate to get you into bed, he’ll spurn you such yarn like “I love you;” “You have a great body;” “I’ve always wanted to sleep with someone with great legs like yours;” “It would be a great honour to sleep with you;”, “Sex with my wife is so boring….”

However, with the one running low on the necessary hormones, he’s either operating on the assumption that every woman longs for a skilled lover or he is counting on you to help ward off his doubts and insecurities. And believe me, that’s a full-time job requiring several women because he can’t trust your opinion alone. He’ll go on a sampling spree. So watch out.

When I asked a male friend why men pretend to be what they are not and boast when they are just a little bit better than impotent, he shrugged and told me, “Tell them what they want to hear and you’re home safe”. Uh-uh, so who’s to blame? When a man tells you: “I’ve never had such a great time before”, be smart enough to know he is a prospector and for now you’re the new oil rig. How deep he goes is a matter of how rich your rig is.

Sometimes what he says and what he does are genuine, even if they put you off. How then do you separate the real gold from the fool’s gold? If it’s just a mask you can bet, it will slip, eventually.

So, why do men who can hardly sustain an erection boast about being the original Mr. Stud?

He will also get tired of wearing it sooner than later and that’s when he’ll move on. You see, most of the time, a man who spins you so much bravado about his (or your) sexual prowess is after casual sex, nothing beyond the bedmatics. As soon as you are on to his game, he’ll find a reason or reasons to move on to the next girl. All he wants is to add you to the fake feathers on his funny cap. All he’s trying to do is show everybody around him that he’s a ladies man. Unless the girls decide to squeal on his inadequacies, he’ll continue to get away with it until he settles down with the final prey.

As far as he’s concerned, you are a great lay and great fun. Don’t hold your breath hoping for him to pop the big Q, because he won’t. He’s too much of a professional to be pinned down. He tells his lies, gets laid and moves on to more exciting pastures. Whether a man is lying to cover up his lack of prowess in bed or displaying arrogance for possessing it, don’t forget yourself in the middle of it. You’ll blame yourself if you let yourself be fooled. Nobody can fool you if you let your head rule at all times, or at least most of the time.

*Egbemode ([email protected])

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