By BOSEDE OLUSOLA-OBASA
Did you know you can converse on ‘hot topics’ without getting burnt, burning others, or appearing to be cantankerous? In my piece today, I have a sense of duty to address this important issue, and I hope it adds value to you. Why does there seem to be a growing community of people who just want to talk but seldom listen. There are different tilts to these but it is the same poor character that needs to be addressed. What I consider the most ill-mannered among them is when a speaker has the opportunity to make convincing points to an audience; and instead, he chooses to use that time to try to discredit an earlier speaker’s views. Wow! Some people are fast becoming ‘communication warlords’ especially online having severally been at this extreme of communication-linked ‘battles’ and a quest to win them.
Painfully, people usually caught in this web are not just some online charlatans, but some ‘professionals’, who should know better. A lot of the time, all they succeed in doing is to be ‘the devil’s advocate’, which according to the dictionary is “a person who expresses a contentious opinion to provoke debate or test the strength of the opposing arguments.” I have often said that condemning someone’s view because it doesn’t seem right from your viewpoint is being emotionally unintelligent! The golden rule is to hear people out before you rule them out. You must realise that every matter has multiple angles, depending on the angle from which you are assessing it.
Don’t join the growing number of persons who make it their daily duty to call for other people’s heads, before even understanding the issue at hand. Worse still, this growing army is mostly not interested in understanding the views expressed by the other persons to see other sides to a matter. It is essential to remember that effective communication starts with active listening, not talking.
For those who would love to get better at this game of communicating and not just talking, this piece shares basic character protocols needed in communication and ‘counter-communication’. It will be useful even in a nerve-racking season, helping you keep your sanity and sound character, making constructive points while accommodating another person’s views.
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Character Protocols for Effective Communication
- Onboard the mindset that hardly would there ever be an issue on which everyone would take the same position. Therefore, open your mind to this reality always and build the capacity to manage it.
- Realise that you have started manifesting ignorance and narrow-mindedness whenever you posit that there aren’t any other viewpoints except the one that you hold. For your information, there are said to be at least three viewpoints to any issue of contention: the first is your viewpoint, the second is another’s viewpoint and the third is the actual viewpoint; (which might be entirely different from the first two).
- Forthwith, before you send a message out (written or spoken), first think like the recipient, rather than send words you would soon need to recant. Give yourself the opportunity to review it. Be mindful that your personal brand is mostly evaluated by your courtesy. Mind it, before it mars you.
- Insisting that your viewpoint is superior and possibly the only credible one could depict a show of arrogance and pride. Have you ever experienced the flip side of this? When the facts from others have to prove you wrong? Caution; the older your brand grows, the less you should be on this web and show restraint.
- Trying to force your viewpoint down others’ throats even if it is correct portrays you as forceful, domineering or maybe dangerous. Perhaps, this is why you sometimes waste your time trying to undo an opponent’s stance rather than invest it in making your point plausible and acceptable. Learn to make your point without discrediting someone else’s.
- Whenever you are in a hurry to conclude on a matter, without giving a fair hearing to all possible sides, you are perceived as desperate, suppressive, impatient and weak in listening skills. In such cases, people smell a rat, even when there isn’t one. Trust also dwindles.
- Do what’s honourable; learn to walk or look away from a conversation if you won’t be able to ‘treat the problem without tearing down the person’ (that is, taking it personally). It is a sound judgment to communicate with people at their level – based on their frame of reference. Communication isn’t merely for being heard or seen but for value addition and solution creation.
The overall lesson here is to communicate with the understanding that your convictions are most times personal. To win people over, learn that only persuasion, not coercion may change them. If you understood the aforementioned points, many of the reasons why you argue vehemently or throw verbal tantrums over issues, (especially on social media), may be unnecessary forthwith. Be more deliberate about the online reputation you are building because you will get profiled online when it matters. By Minding Your Character henceforth, you will mostly gain the ‘remote control’ in conversations decently from your end’.
The overall lesson here is to communicate with the understanding that your convictions are most times personal. To win people over, learn that only persuasion, not coercion may change them.
Remember, it’s never too late to become right! If you love what you read, let me know. Also reach out if you would love to book a corporate training session on best workplace attitudes, team optimisation, leadership sustainability, corporate culture creation, exceptional customer service, or personal character development coaching. Enjoy the rest of your week!
