ADEKUNLE TIMOTHY is an English graduate from Obafemi Awolowo University, OAU. He gives an unrestrained situation report of his trip between July 26 and 28, 2021 by road from Lagos to Taraba where he has been posted for service under the National Youth Service Corps, NYSC, scheme.
As people are saying they need update bayi, I don’t know where we are o, boya Google map never reach here.
Okay, reporting live from Abuja, I thought I’ll be seeing gold on the street. IK, you’re in Abuja, come and stand by the roadside and wave at me. Also bring bread and tea because I cannot can o.
Try not to laugh too much, but imagine my northern brothers here taking standing in the bus all the way from Lagos going to far north. They were sleeping on their feet. Omooo.
This unknown driver no even mind, I’ve not seen him, he’s hidden in his “cockpit” and the door is bolted. People have used mess to finish us in the bus.
I for dey snap all these beautiful sights of nature but if my phone drops outside lasan, I’m coming back to Lagos. But wait; shey this driver ain’t tired ni? He has been driving since 5.00 p.m. yesterday. Boya he’s using something I don’t know of, but kilo kan mi.
Sit-Rep (Situation Report lo n je be). We dey Plateau now, the cold na fire, misty air and dear like say na harmattan but potatoes must potate. As for the driver ehn, I don’t know what to do with him, everybody dey shout say dem wan piss, dem wan shit. This unknown driver no even mind, I’ve not seen him, he’s hidden in his “cockpit” and the door is bolted. People have used mess to finish us in the bus.
Story story! While on campus, we were five reading together and three of us were posted to Taraba. It’s divine toripe one of us didn’t pick Taraba at all, he was given the state. The other was only able to pick Taraba and was given the state.
Rewind to how the journey started yesterday. We left Ibadan around past nine last night. I got ticket number 49 followed by the next number for my friend. Oya oh, I should sit in my seat with my number, one guy from Lagos was there and wouldn’t stand up. Me, I don’t have emi wahala, my friends and I found vacant seats to sit in together. Then the original owners of those seats came, so we stood up. Getting back to my seat, the guy there before was to stand from Lagos to his destination. He no even talk. He finally stood up when conductor came to do were for him. Then, a lady sat there and I was like, shey dem send una to me this night, ni? By this time, calls were just entering my phone left, right and centre. I told her, oya mama o, e gbera, gbe body kuro lori seat mi. She was using pity pity and was like shey I want her to die ni, that she cannot stay in her own seat. She was even shouting, saying that she needed the air, that she was asthmatic. In my mind, I was like this girl has used her emotional power on me niyen o. Me that I came with my friends nko, is that not enough reason? And I requested for our seats to be together. After small talk and e wan be like say our argument dey turn to something like money for soup matter, I just sat somewhere else behind my friends.
Sha, in my mind I was not happy but I just kpem. As I dey the back, I dey design how I’ll take my rightful place on the throne of Zamunda (window seat). If she stands up to ease herself, I’ll go to my seat. Looking at her, she had to close the window all through. Definitely, she didn’t need the air. She sha stood up and I was constrained to let her be till she alighted in Jos. I was back in my seat.
In the midnight ehn, while we trying to get our eyes shut, one big box dropped on the guy behind me. It was so heavy but we helped place it back and tried to sleep. From my meditation, I just off, then the box dropped on my head/neck. Omo ko funny raaraa. We just gave the box to the people standing to sit on. That’s the end of my story.
My friends saying I should babe come from Taraba and those that are saying they don’t want babe from Taraba, kini gaan. Am I God? Are me God? Are God me?
Current Location? Gombe. Tired? Checked. Hungry? Checked. Low battery? Checked. Cold? Checked. Next stop? Adamawa. Hours more on the road? Unknown.
News reaching me is that a boat will take our car across a river before we continue our journey to camp by road. This isn’t for me o. Reporting tired from Yola. We are sleeping in a store filled with luggages.
Just got to our orientation camp, waiting for our Covid -19 test. If these people chook pipe in my nose and e pain me lasan, ko ni funny. I’ll just shout yeeee, ara ile e gba mi ooo.
At the camp
Just got to our orientation camp, waiting for our Covid -19 test. If these people chook pipe in my nose and e pain me lasan, ko ni funny. I’ll just shout yeeee, ara ile e gba mi ooo.
I’m back o, ati lo ati de. The Covid-19 test ehn, enu o she so, e enter brain. E do me hysvslpogcsjjffeiksbgs.
Just got my kits, everything is in good size except the khaki. Tailor ma gba alejo today. By the way, please advise me. Should I accept the position of the platoon leader and what are the responsibilities and possible benefits?
I heard an announcement, but not clearly enough. Then I heard OBS (Orientation Broadcasting Service), na so I run go meet them saying I want to enlist. They said they announced for OBS decorating team, that they were done picking guys, saying that all they’d been picking were guys and they don’t need any more. Nigbati mo open mouth mi lasan, they knew they’d got an asset. I was told to put down my name and that of my friends. We move, OBS here I come.
ATTENTION
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