By ALEX OGUNDADEGBE
In a tumultuous environment we should never lose our sense of rational control. If we cannot control the events around us, at least we can control how we would respond to them. So, the approach to living in a period of crisis and distress which many people of the world dwell in today is to strengthen our minds and resolve to take control of our thoughts even when the environment in which we live in is spinning out of control. Once we have our minds in rein we can strive to chart our course of movement and progress no matter what we face. So here are few tips we can take into our stride to develop a strong mind that will ensure that our environment does not overwhelm us.
First of all we need to be sure that the people around us who could serve as hindrances and difficult influences are not necessarily affecting our state of mind negatively. What this means is we should not allow the strange and uncanny behaviour of other people control us. If we give in to behaviour traits of those we relate with on a regular basis they will unwittingly and sometimes purposely control our reactions to situations. We should never give up our self-control to other people because this is what leads to manipulation and a puppet situation. Politicians, show business personalities and gurus have the knack for crowd control and predictive feedback. Never allow yourself to be manipulated without your consent.
Passive resistance enables us to deal with the two kinds of circumstances that cause us to worry: those we can do something about and those we can do nothing about.
As each day begins another great task that will help us put up our defenses is to establish a fixed system of positivism that you will never let anyone or anything negative penetrate. The way you start each day will, to a large extent, affect your activities throughout the day and determine how it ends. So, what is the first thing you do when you roll off your bed in the morning. Do you make a list of terrible things that happened to you the day before? Or do you rather reflect on how good it is to be alive. Are you thankful for another twenty four hours and do you determine what good you can do to yourself, your family and the world at large? Begin each day on a positive note and you will be glad you did. This can be done by listening to or reading a material that inspires you.
From the privacy of secluded arena in your sleeping place you must begin to move out and sell yourself to other people using the indirection of leading questions: Be the person who cheers others up by referring to the great things you know or see about them. Every human being on the face of the earth likes some level of recognition and appreciation. If you can practice that with everyone for a few minutes every day, not only will your relationships improve but you will become a more positive and likable person.
Laughter is a great medicine for bad moods and depressing feelings. If you only look around you more often you will find that there is always something to laugh at and you will also find that having a good laugh, as long as it is not at another person’s expense, can be a great way to lift your spirits when you are feeling down. So in the privacy of your room have few minutes of laughter everyday and see if your spirit would not be lifted for most of that day!
Adversity can be depressing but looking back at such depressing moments and expressing gratitude for the ability to live through them is magically heart soothing as well as wonderfully resolve strengthening. Instead of looking back in anger or resentment like most people do, look back with a strong sense of gratitude and you will be surprised at what such a practice could do to your mindset as a person. Your positivism will increase and you will begin to see life through a different prism.
Often when people are faced with knotty problems they look at the difficulties involved and tend to feel exhausted at the mere thought of how difficult it will be to solve such problems. But an ingenious approach to starting the resolution is to do a quick “Can do” audit of the situation or circumstances. Scale the situation, examine it closely and see which parts of it you can do first. It is much like taking on a complex mathematical problem which we are taught can be solved if we approach it using the piecemeal theory of solution. Start where you stand by asking yourself: “What can I do right now, where I am?” As you divide the gargantuan task into phases and stages it becomes more achievable and less stressful in its outlook.
Action is the medicine that cures worry. Instead of ruminating over an unpleasant situation think of actions that you can take to turn it around. Worry does not solve problems or change unpleasant situations around, it merely makes them worse. But when we begin to take some sort of action to resolve such situations then the burden is lightened and we feel much better about it. Our mind will communicate with our psyche telling it that we are seeking a solution and will eventually find a way out.
Strength grows out of struggles. Whatever we face in life will give us grit if we do not allow it to overwhelm us. Both pleasant and unpleasant circumstances are meant to give us a well spring of experience from which we can draw from whenever we are faced with similar circumstances in the future. So work your way through the pleasure and the pain, the distress and gain. Live through it all because it is all part of your make up for greater future.
This means we should look upon life as a continuous process of education because all experiences, good and bad, will teach us lessons only if we are willing to learn and become wiser during the process.
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The major challenge is to make the world conform to our own personal patterns of existence, thereby carving a niche for ourselves which will benefit as many people as possible as well as ourselves. In the process we must choose a process of self-improvement so that we can look forward to everyday with an excitement of the possibility of getting better, wiser and stronger. This will make us more patient, open minded and generous towards other people in our circle of influence.
In the course of all these, it is important that we are able to express gratitude at least twice a day because we have been given total control of our minds. We determine what we should think and what we allow within the reserves of that mind. We must seek guidance to use this mind power carefully and beneficially. Part of our thinking process should be to look for things we can compliment about people around us; this will definitely improve our relationships with such people.
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And when criticism comes our way, let us listen to it and weigh it objectively. A lot of the things people say about us might be unfair and unfounded but the truth is when we examine such statements and accusations objectively they can only make us get better at what we do. A deaf ear turned to criticism can only make a person remain stagnant in his own imaginable world of perfection. But we also must learn not to accept from anyone or anything in life things that we do not really desire or like. Passive resistance to oppressive or detrimental circumstances is a powerful tool. We can reject what is harmful and bad for us without necessarily being harmful or bad ourselves. History shows that one man with resolve can resist the most powerful armies of the world.
Passive resistance enables us to deal with the two kinds of circumstances that cause us to worry: those we can do something about and those we can do nothing about. If we can learn to resist passively, then we shall cease to worry about them. Instead of wasting time on worry, we should keep our minds eternally engaged in those things we desire most that are good for us and humanity at large. There is power in focus that would enable us to achieve things we would initially think are out of our reach.
Whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve if enough focus and planning goes into it all.
And if for any reason we happen to feel sorry for ourselves which is the lowest depth of mentality for any human being, we should look around and find someone who is worse off and help him. That which we do for others would eventually be done for us.
To make our character and individuality complete, modeling helps. We can choose people we admire and desire to be like and then go to work and emulate them to the best of our knowledge. We should not make an obsession out of mimicking the person, but should copy the finer traits. Before we know it we would have moved up and become someone we ourselves admire.
If we can also cultivate and work on mentality in all these ways and work on our tone of voice so that those who listen to us have a memorable experience of us speaking, we will be open ourselves to people around us and our voice will become a kaleidoscope through which people will look into our soul and value our association tremendously. Also remember, write out what you intend to do with the rest of your life. Whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve if enough focus and planning goes into it all. These are mental hacks which will change the course of your life!
*Ogundadegbe is a renowned management consultant. He trains managers and executives in the arts of Customer Service, Human Resources Management and Management strategy ([email protected]).
