If you want to touch somebody, learn to express sincerity from the heart. Don’t just impress. Impressions might build a gulf or valley, sincere expression builds a bridge. The question on your mind should be: What would make me real to the audience? What will make me real to the child? Building a bridge of understanding is important. If you are meeting someone you’ve never met before, it’s for the first time. Here is where you begin: Find something you have in common!
A group of people were looking for a location where they had registered for a seminar. They were getting lost trying to find the place; they found that they got acquainted so easily. Here is a clue to influencing people: Start with where they are, before you try to take them where you want them to go. If somebody is hurting, you have to meet them in the hurt. If someone’s in trouble, you have to start with the trouble. Paul in the scriptures had no problem talking to sinners because he claimed to be Chief Sinner himself! That is a great identification point for a man trying to convert people! Will sinners listen to a Chief Sinner? Of course they will! Start where somebody is: If they are in trouble you have to begin with that trouble or show them something similar. If you have never been in trouble or you have no idea of what it means, you have a problem. So you need to know how it feels. If somebody is stricken in the heart, talk about how you experienced the same. It will have substance; it will have meaning and depth. From there, you can start building the bridge and start clearing the path towards solving the problem. It’s all about identification.
If you are meeting someone you’ve never met before, it’s for the first time. Here is where you begin…
How do you identify with a child? It’s tough, especially if the age difference is way out. Suppose you are a 55 years old adult, you need to talk to a 15 year old child. You have to build a long bridge! Try and remember when you were 15. That would be a great starting point. You need the skill to go back in time. Actors are good at it. They go back and rehearse the early emotions and hurts. The trauma and the drama, the sum total of their lives back in the early days. Let it wash over and rekindle you one more time. Part of it will be painful, but you must remember the pain. You will be able to identify with the child easily. Go back and relive those horrible experiences and let them smite you and hit you one more time. Those feelings of rejection and neglect as a child which nobody understands will always come in handy. There are some people you won’t be able to reach if you are unable to meet them where they are. For children, read their books. If you can discuss their books with them freely and accurately, you will register some kind of trust and rapport with them. Do your home work! Find out all you need to know about the person you are going to talk to. A lack of homework shows in the market place and at home. If a child has read a book and I have read the book one of the great places we can meet is in the book! Remember the story where…… The child is impressed.
Another tough proposition is to identify with somebody who is not like you in colour, religion or circumstances. There is always something they share with you in common. It could be sports, food, or even studies or hobbies. Speaking to a man from India the other day and I began to share information about India. I had never been there, but I had read some things about the country. He began to smile when I asked him questions from an informed point of view.
How do successful people reach and touch people who are not successful? First of all, they have to talk about their struggle, not their success. Your struggle will be easier to identify with than your success. If you spend most of your talking time speaking about your success story, you are creating a gulf not a bridge! Talk about your struggle, your fears and apprehensions. Then after you have expressed all that, show them your success, it came from struggle, heart break and trouble. Identification makes you real. It’s so very important. Proper word choice is part of identification. The great teacher approached some fishermen and told them: Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. He is talking to fishermen. That is brillant. He did not say I am going to teach you how to select and recruit!
Beware of using inside language on the outside world. Identify with their sorrow, by recalling your own sorrow, identify with their joy by recalling your own joy. Identify with their difficulty by rehearsing your own difficulty. Go back over your own life and make a study of your own life, your circumstances, your feelings and awareness. Some of the stories you have not told for a long time can be useful in communicating your ideas. Use the gift of language and emotion. Touch somebody.
Two great orators. People admired and loved the one. People were gripped and compelled to act by the other. Work hard at your communication and be the other.
A significant part of any presentation is the logical part, the facts and figures numbers and dimensions. We need some facts, but only enough to start the decision making process. Talk somebody into buying the product, don’t talk them out of buying. This is where a problem occurs. You can talk a child into deciding to do the right thing, and then, unwittingly, you make them undecide. If you talk too fast and too much it is dissuading. We need just enough logic and reason so it starts to make sense. Too many facts can be scary. How many points of attraction do you need? Perhaps six major attributes would do. Too many wide ranges of facts and logic will dissuade your audience. Most decisions are made emotionally. We need just enough logic so it will make sense, but we will commit probably 70 per cent of our persuasion to emotion. So the key is to be brief with logic, reasons and facts and focus more on emotion.
Suppose they brought you a large roasted tilapia for lunch, complete with french fries and sauce. You ate it all up. They brought you another one you ate that, if they offered you a third, you are likely to turn it down or you might lose the ones you’ve eaten. Brevity on logic and reason is the guideline. It needs to be powerful and factual. There are two ancient philosophers of antiquity: It was said that when Cicero spoke, people exclaimed, “Great speech. Wonderful message. I couldn’t agree with you more.” And they showered him with accolades, adoration and standing ovations. It was said that when Demosthenes spoke, people shouted, “Let Us March!” Two great orators. People admired and loved the one. People were gripped and compelled to act by the other. Work hard at your communication and be the other.
*Ogundadegbe is a renowned management consultant. He trains managers and executives in the arts of Customer Service, Human Resources Management and Management strategy ([email protected]).
