How much will it cost to fix a leaky pipe in a bank’s toilet?
The banks said they love you, but they lied. Ambience is nothing. Care is everything. A baby was in distress. The mother was in a long queue, and she had no one to provide care for her baby. The banks in Nigeria do not have crèches in their branches. The warning is clear to the bank customers. No babies in the bank. Although at the headquarters, a few banks have created worksite baby crèches for their staff. The worksite crèches allow the parents to manage childcare during work hours. This has brought refinement to the bank’s value proposition. What has the lack of an in-banking crèche brought to the customer in the story? Distress.
On the one hand
At the Orange Bank, the chief security officer, in a white, sparkling uniform, was confused. He did not know what to do. Babysitting was not his assignment. Besides, he did not envisage a baby in the hall. The scene could have occurred in a movie, and 50 other bank customers would be acting as extras in the movie. The bank manager would have been aware and would have thoughtfully asked the mother to… Sorry, this is not a movie.
On the other hand
In the age of artificial intelligence, you should expect everything and anything. Thatdoes not mean the baby is not human. That was why the baby demanded attention. Everybody assessed the situation, but no one could assist. The mother excused herself from the queue. She sat on a nearby bench and breastfed her baby, with some men staring.
In the long term
At the Elephant Bank, the lid was down. You should have known better, but you opened the lid anyway. The picture of the horror you saw in the toilet bowl is better in the toilet. You could not perform your duty. You then reported to the chief security officer. The chief security officer reeled out a litany of excuses from a lack of running water to ‘yeye’ customers and a ‘foolish’ plumber. Aha.
In 2024, the FUGAZ banks recorded a combined profit before tax of N5 trillion. This was an increase from 2023, when these banks made N3.2 trillion profit. The total interest earnings from nine top banks reached N20 trillion at 2025 rates. How much will it cost to fit a leaky pipe in the toilet of a bank?
At the Blue and White Bank, a putrid smell hits you in the face like the harmattan wind. A customer used the metal detector door, and a barrage of smells that could detonate a hand grenade assailed your nostrils. A block of air-freshener placed on the base of the door would have swallowed the foul odour, leaving customers with a memorable sensory experience. Who cares?
At the Horse Bank, a customer had a failed funds transfer. The case dragged on for months with no resolution. This bank denied the existence of a funds transfer. If the funds were not in the vault of the bank’s ledger, where are the funds?
In the short term
If you are looking for a baby crèche to keep your precious ones, do not go to the banks.
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