The church is the Body of Christ on earth. It is the assembly of God’s people wherever they are located. Beyond the four walls of buildings and auditoriums, individuals that are truly born again are members of the Church of God irrespective of their sects, denominations, colours, races or languages. The church is the pillar of truth (1 Timothy 3:15), she is governed by the law of love (John 13:34), she lives by the doctrine of Christ (Mark 1:22) and Christ is the Head of the Church (Colossians 1:18).

God holds the institution of marriage so dear to Himself because the entire global population is the summation of family units. Nobody drops the sky; even Christ was born in a family to fulfil the law of procreation.

Therefore, let’s rally support, love and care to those quitting abusive marriages.

The church’s doctrine on marriage is sacrosanct. Her teachings are aimed at protecting the sanctity of holy matrimony. The problem is that we dwell on the letters of the Word more than the Spirit of Word. Paul the Apostle warned that “the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” 2 Corinthians 3:6). The carnal and mental interpretations of the Word do engender confusion, conflict of opinions and divisions along denominational sentiments. On the issue of marriage and divorce in particular, the letter is killing us! We need the help of the Holy Spirit through whose inspiration the Word was written (2 Timothy 3:16) for the rhema to unravel the mystery behind the knotty issues.

The church regulates the conducts of her members through the doctrine of Christ. Marriage as an institution ordained by God Himself has the Word as its manual. Sadly, most of us, including seemingly sanctimonious believers, have violated and are still violating His rules and principles on marriage. The human failure gave rise to divorce! As rightly affirmed by Jesus, it was not so from the beginning. (Matthew 19:8).

In view of the reality of our contemporary world, divorce, unfortunately, has become part of the marital problems we have to live with. It is true that God hates divorce. It is true that divorce is hurtful. And it is true that divorce is capable of truncating dreams and aspirations of people involved with their children as victims. However, divorce is still a preferred way out of abusive and life threatening marriages. Nothing could please God more than a divorce done in order to stay alive. It is only the living that can worship God.

Osinachi’s death sparked an avalanche of criticisms against anti-divorce doctrine of the church. The reason was because many Christians have suffered abuses of varying degrees in their troubled marriages but the fear of stigma, ostracization and condemnation by their fellow believers and the church leadership kept them perpetually subdued until some died while several others developed serious health issues as a result. The question agitating the minds of rational thinkers and pragmatic believers has been that is it that God is satisfied with the plights of His children in marital turbulence, preferring their death while trying to keep to a religious dogma? Never! He’s a compassionate Father.

Jesus described God as our Father (John 20:17). Therefore, no father will allow his child to die prematurely in a bad marriage for whatever reason. The essence of marriage is for companionship, friendship and fellowship. God’s blessing of procreation through which mankind replenishes the earth with godly seeds is embedded in companionship.

It is obvious that the misconstrued doctrine against divorce is largely due to literal interpretation of the scripture which is based on the letters and not the Spirit of the Word; and this had brought about conflicting opinions. I have written in this column previously that church fathers should convey a solemn assembly where knotty and contentious marital issues like divorce, separation, polygamy and single parenthood will be discussed and acceptable decisions reached. We have the mandate to so decide as members of the Body of Christ (Matthew 18:18-19).

When there was a disputation in the early church regarding circumcision, the leaders of the church converged in Jerusalem under the leadership of the Apostles of the Lord and the elders. The matter was debated and an acceptable decision was taken (Acts 15). Doctrinal issues are within the purview of church leaders to decide by the leading of the Holy Spirit. This challenge, I earnestly pray, that church fathers in Nigeria would accept to undertake. The Pentecostal movement under the leadership of the Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria, PFN, can initiate the move for the larger Christian body to be involved.

Before I conclude, I like to share a portion of my former boss and big brother, Bola Bolawole’s column on Wednesday while writing on the late Osinachi Nwachukwu’s death. He analysed the “putting away” (divorce) from the prism of the Spirit and not the letters of the Word thus:

“This is the “putting away” or divorce that God hates: “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce (putting away), For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:16).  God was talking more specifically to the man than the woman. The practice must have been prevalent then, as it is now, that men, when they have become wealthy or fulfilled, when their social status is upswing, they suddenly realise they need a more beautiful, more educated, more socially savvy, and more “lepa” wife to fit into their new social status. The wife of their youth, probably after a few children and years of child-bearing, no longer possesses the magical “figure-eight” or has become too old for comfort and a younger, fresher damsel is thus needed to take her place. God says: Do not put her away! That was the “putting away” that God hates; not a woman fleeing the evil of an abusive or life-threatening marriage. God did not condemn women to ‘stay put’ in an abusive or life-threatening marriage.”

In conclusion, the heat came upon the church because it is only Christian doctrine that fundamentally abhors separation and divorce.

By the above analysis, Bolawole has logically brought to the fore God’s quest for justice, fairness and equity in favour of the first wife otherwise known as the “wife of your youth” against the selfish and oppressive tendencies of the men.

In conclusion, the heat came upon the church because it is only Christian doctrine that fundamentally abhors separation and divorce. Likewise, by doctrine of assimilation, the faith discourages polygamy. Till date, the issue of polygamy is throwing up theological debate in the context of cultures, traditions and orientations of the contemporary societies. Situations whereby the church leadership and the laity impose punitive measures and stigmatize members whose marriages failed will further entrench the idea of enduring abusive marriages which could lead to more spousal murder cases.

Jesus never judged nor condemned anybody. Even the woman caught in the act of adultery, He forgave and let her go. “I judge no one” He said (John 3:17 & 8:15). Therefore, let’s rally support, love and care to those quitting abusive marriages. Brethren in life threatening marriages should please cry out for help! It is our duty to love, encourage and support one another in times of need. The church should show more than passing interest in the well-being of her members. She should stop ostracising and stigmatising brethren involved in failed marriages. God is a Healer and Restorer of bruised, crushed and victimized souls. Unless we embrace the Spirit and not the letters of the Word, the church will always be at the receiving end of vitriolic criticisms. Shalom!

• West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk (08035304268 / 08059964446)

The post Divorce: Why the heat is on the church, By Michael West appeared first on Frontpageng.

In the past few weeks, Michael West has been running a series on bad marriage in which preventive and way forward out of dangerous unions have been offered.  As for those who think that every marital crisis can be resolved and also for those who do not see divorce as an option, the untimely gruesome killing of 47-year-old banker, Chinyere Ogudoro, should be an eye-opener!

Let me start by asking, why do people stay too long in bad marriages, especially women? Why? It is risky and suicidal to keep silent in the heat of marital turbulence. The late banker was a victim of prolonged stay and wicked silence in her bad marriage.

Unfortunately, Chinyere and her only brother, Ifeanyi Joseph, died a very tragic and painful death leaving their children and loved ones behind.

When a woman is getting more financially empowered either more than her spouse or beyond his expectations, one may not be able to predict the intentions of a bad man. Some men have a sense of insecurity and they become uncomfortable when their wives earn more or are more successful than them. It is on this premise that I want to share the unfortunate story of a dear sister and friend who was murdered in a gruesome manner on Friday, April 1, 2022. Her husband, currently in the police net, is the prime suspect.

Late Chinyere Magella Ogudoro and I belonged to the same Christian ecosystem on WhatsApp called Young Couples’ Fellowship, YCF. Herself and her husband were members of the group. Although, the husband had opted out of the group due to some basic principles of the group which he said contradicted his personal ideology and philosophy about marriage. However, he was readmitted after the wife pleaded on his behalf.

The late sister was very humble, calm and unapologetically generous. An easy-going and ever smiling Chinyere was a rare gem. Though only a few people knew about her troubled marriage, she rarely opened up to anyone about the agony, frustration and danger she was enduring in the marriage that eventually terminated her life last week Friday.

Born on the 12th of May 1975, Chinyere Magella Ogudoro had a promising career in banking while she got married to Benjamin Ogudoro, an accountant. Chinyere did so well in the banking sector as she rose to the peak of her career still discharging her roles as a wife and mother to her four children. She was a Manager at Fidelity Bank before she moved to Ecobank where she resigned as a Regional Manager.

Even though she had a Master’s degree from the University of Lagos in 2006, Chinyere, in a veiled thirst for knowledge and global relevance, went to Glasgow Caledonian University, Scotland, to pursue another Master’s degree in 2018. Whereas her relocation to Great Britain was for separation from her abusive husband but none of us knew this much until after her unfortunate death when truth started coming out.

Following her murder, one of our close friends said “now I understand why she was complaining of depression and suicidal thoughts.” We did not know she was going through a lot just to keep her marriage ship sailing. Travelling abroad to further her studies was just a facade to keep her sanity as her husband once brought out a machete during a fight with her but for the timely intervention of neighbours, things could have ended in disaster.

She had informed us she would be returning to Nigeria. In fact, she asked one of our mutual friends to help her book a flight to Port Harcourt. So, it came as a surprise when we found out she arrived Nigeria on Thursday March 31 and was killed at about 1am the following day April 1. The president of our group who lives in the neighborhood of the Ogudoros later claimed that the husband, Ben Ogudoro, had made several attempts to sell off the property in which they reside but only to discover that it was the wife’s name that was on the C of O. He became angry even though it was clear that the property belonged to the wife. She also got him a job using her connections.

When Chinyere arrived last week Thursday at Muritala Muhammed International Airport, her brother, Ifeanyi Joseph, went to pick her to the house. The husband, according to their neighbours, was busy drinking at a nearby beer parlour when she got home. Meeting his wife, an argument ensued, and in other to prevent another physical assault, they shut the door against him. Enraged with fury, he demanded why should they close the door, what were they talking about that warranted them shutting the door. He waited till they were asleep at night, he quietly entered their bedroom, poured petrol on the mattresses and floor as well as their bodies, set them aflame and quickly banged the door behind him with lock and key. He then ran out and started raising a false alarm of accidental fire explosion. Chinyere managed to pick her phone to call but could not because she suffered asphyxiation before she was burnt totally beyond recognition.

Meanwhile, Chinyere’s younger and only brother who got married some months ago managed to pull the door down while still burning. He was the one who narrated everything that happened to the neighbours who had gathered to help the burning victims. He was quoted as saying, “My in-law, what did we do to you to deserve this kind of judgement? Why did you set us on fire?”

He was able to do some video and audio recordings with his phone while the incident was going on. He was then rushed to a nearby hospital where he later gave up the ghost in the afternoon of same day. His phone had since been retrieved by the police to help in the course of investigation.

How I wish Magella had spoken up against her abusive and wicked husband. How I wish she had walked away from the jinxed marriage or stay back in Scotland with her children. Unfortunately, Chinyere and her only brother, Ifeanyi Joseph, died a very tragic and painful death leaving their children and loved ones behind.

If after trying to make your marriage work but it’s getting worse, if after going for counselling sessions and prayers the situation is not improving, please RUN!

One profound lesson we need to learn is to speak up. Women should stop dying in silence. Domestic violence is not gender specific. Men, please speak out when your life is under threat. Stop saying that is how she talks when she is angry. One day, it may be too late to cry. Likewise, stop trying to tame a beast in your partner. No marriage is worth anybody’s life. Children that we often use as an excuse for enduring bad marriage are better off with separated or divorced parents than none to care for them.

My Take:

It is too late to counsel Chinyere now! The killer suspect may not be killed eventually as governors have refused to sign death verdicts on condemned criminals in last 20 years. Many, if not all of such criminals may have their sentences commuted to jail terms. Who is the ultimate loser? The dead, of course! Till date, those who sacrificed their lives in bad marriages did so in vain. God won’t give them medals for dying prematurely and foolishly.

Genesis 19:17b reads: “Run for your lives! Don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere in the plain! Run to the mountains or you will be swept away!”

If after trying to make your marriage work but it’s getting worse, if after going for counselling sessions and prayers the situation is not improving, please RUN! Don’t care about what people will say, it is the same people that encourage you to stay back in abusive marriage that will turn around to blame you for not running for your precious life just as they’re blaming Chinyere now!

• West wrote via mikeawe@yahoo.co.uk (08035304268 / 08059964446)

The post Bad marriage: Man burnt wife, brother-in-law to death, By Michael West appeared first on Frontpageng.